The Case For Marriage  

Traditionally, June is wedding season. The days are longer, the sun shines brighter, and the growth in fields, gardens, and forests is lush and profuse. Everywhere we see signs of growth, which makes this season an appropriate one for weddings. For weddings signal growth by the promise of a new life,  the birth of children, and the growth of a new family. We were treated as a  church community to the marriage of two of our own members, Zachary Naab and Alexandra Spooner, on May 29.  

 Marriage is essential to human flourishing. The conclusions of multiple studies done on married people summarized by authors Linda Waite and  Maggie Gallagher in their book The Case for Marriage: Why Married People are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially confirm this claim. For example, they found that married people live up to eight years longer than divorced or never-married people. Married people experience less depression and suffer less from long-term illnesses than those who are unmarried. People joined in intact marriages are less inclined to indulge in self-destructive behaviors such as drug and alcohol consumption. Married couples have sex twice as often as single people and report higher levels of satisfaction in the area of physical intimacy. Household income for couples united in traditional marriage is higher than that for cohabiting couples and those who never married. In sum, there is abundant support for the claim that married people tend to be happier, healthier, and wealthier than those who are not.  

  And yet today the institution of marriage is arguably in danger of total collapse. According to Communio.org, a nonprofit, Alexandria, VA-based,  research institute that consults with churches on marriage, for many twenty-somethings “hooking-up” is the preferred alternative to the intentional search for a durable relationship whose natural end is marriage. Recent academic  research reveals that the most frequently occurring time a couple first has sex  is “before the relationship begins.” The majority of millennials and GenZs consider cohabitation a better option than marriage, despite the overwhelming evidence that cohabitation increases the likelihood of single parenting,  domestic abuse, and divorce (if the couple should ever get married).    

 Communio makes the bold claim that “marriage is the most urgent ministry  gap for the church.” I’m inclined to agree. In fact, in recent months I have told several friends and family members that if I had known beyond a shadow of a doubt that my lot in life was to be that of a parish pastor, I would have focused on more adequately equipping myself for marriage ministry. Of course, hindsight is 20/20, as they say. Even though the marriage was in crisis when I was a young seminary student, no one then spoke of its imminent collapse as an institution as many do now.  

 Where is the church in all this chaos? Unfortunately, it is largely missing in action. According to Communio, 72 percent of churches lack a marriage ministry; 74 percent have no newlywed ministry; 93 percent do not offer a  singles ministry; and, finally, a large majority of churches report spending zero percent of their ministry dollars on relationship and marriage ministries.  

 I applaud the work that Communio is doing to remedy this problem. To be sure, human commitment is fragile and the love of sinful human beings is imperfect. There will be broken relationships in the church as long as Christ tarries. Therefore we ought always to serve those who seek healing for the wounds they have suffered because of them. But we also serve people by guiding them in their search for a suitable mate, supporting them as they work out the inevitable problems that come up in their relationship, and teaching them how their marriage glorifies God and witnesses to the love that Christ has for his church. For “marriage should be honored by all” (Hebrews 13:4).   

 Pastor Chris